Push play por favor.
Well, if you hadn't noticed I've been off Blogger for a few. I lost someone very special to me last Sunday to Cancer. Not just your ordinary special either. If you're a faithful socialedisturbed reader, you should know that my views and opinions (when spoken) may cause an argument/debate/dis ownership LOL. Well this dude right here... NEVER! Not ONE time have we ever argued, stopped talking, caught attitudes with each other... NOTHING... EVER. That's HUGE in my book & if you really know me, then you should have the :o face right about now. He was the type of person that honestly didn't let shit get to him. Nobody had the power to get him angry. How? Seriously, how do you do that?
I remember sitting at the dining room table watching TV and all of a sudden he would SLAM his hand on the table... scarin' the living DAYLIGHTS outta me.. and he would just continue eating.. like nothing ever happened. Whatever he didn't put sugar on he definitely drowned in Tabasco! LOL! He was never a procrastinator.. shit.. his backyard is damn there REC. A pool, b-ball court, a gazebo all built by Papa. Man! If you guys think I have some weird ass stories/ experiences.. you ain't heard SHIT yet.. lol. He was good at story telling too. Like... he would tell a story and you could visualize everything as if you were there.
But here's what freaks me out.. I'm walking to my weekend job and this bum stops me. I could barely hear him 'cause I had my earphones on.. but I heard something about $.08 . So I pull one plug out and give him whatever's in my pocket. He goes "I said EIGHTY cents". I'm like OK... NOW YOU KNOW.. I woulda kept it moving.. but something told me not to get rude.. so while digging for more change I ask the guy (whose socks were WHITER THAN WHITE), how did you end up homeless? I always wanted to know. So he goes on to say how he was offered a job up here, he relocated, they took back the offer and he didn't want to go home. So here he is, in NY and homeless trying to better himself. Wow. So I gave him.... I'm guessing like $3 or $4 in coins. He then offers me the 3 boxes he had. I'm like nahhhhh I'm good, keep your stuff. He goes NO TAKE IT... lifts my arm and puts the three boxes under it. I look and they're window blinds! :o! Just what I needed! So I dig in my purse and pull out a $5.00 bill. He then says... "Sista, my name is Harold, and all I want you to do is pray for me". A more confused me just says OK and we go our separate ways. That day it rained. Got off the subway, missed my bus, and instead of me waiting 40 minutes for the next one, I took a cab. Everyone knows those Jamaican cabs DO NOT PLAY with their money. Cab guy pulls up to my building. I pull out the money, & guess what.... he tells me I don't have to pay... just pray for him.. :o! Now that's two different people, the SAME day, saying the SAME thing, pray. I bring my stuff upstairs and ended up going to a friends house 'til about 4 or 5 AM. I get home and doze off... didn't pray (SRY I LIED MA, BUT I DIDN'T). So I'm on the train and I get a whole bunch of random phone calls, and purposely ignore them. While on the train it hit me, I didn't pray, but I'm just thinking, ok.. I'll do it when I get home before I go to bed. Get off the Subway and get a text from my youngest brother " Yo Grandpa passed away". If that wasn't enough, I got the text RIGHT where I met Harold... no more than 5 feet from the EXACT spot. Weird right? I know it's not my fault that he's gone, but the fact that I didn't pray and where I was, and people telling me to pray, and the cab, and the eighty cents.... to this day it doesn't sit right with me. Maybe if I would've prayed, things would've been different. Who knows, I kinda just feel as though I could've/should've done more, & I didn't.
At the wake, the other brother decides to put all the Grandkids on blast. All the grandkids should come up and say one nice thing. I couldn't do it. Though I have an abundance of "nice things" to say, I couldn't get up there and speak. Shit, most of the time when I speak I'm crackin' or complainin' about something, and I just didn't have the strength to utter two nice words about him. Sad I know. I know.
I found this quote that reminded me of him:
"A good man is not a perfect man; a good man is an honest man, faithful, and unhesitatingly responsive to the voice of God in his life."
This might sound cliche, but I'm telling you, he honestly was a good guy, and yall KNOW how I feel about calling a dude a good dude... He was one. A good dude. A genuinely good dude. ::sigh:: Papa. Gone, but definitely not forgotten.
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6 comments:
my prayers go out to you and yours ericka. keep your head up.
Ericka!! that was so touching and moving brought a tear to my eye for real love ya E!! and to give you a scripture from the bible that goes with your blog
Hebrews 13:2 NIV
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.
Love ya E 115 K.R.
WOW E!!...WOW!!...This really made me cry...brought back mad memories of him at tha summer bbq's card table every single time we walked in tha backyard..lol..this was really touching..and a real nice way of showing your appreciation for him....and how much u will really miss having him around...he will def be missed!
My condelences E*
Seriously.
I mean, I know that's what you're supposed to say when someone you know suffers a loss. And I know the truth is you really dont know me from Adam, but I gotta say that I really mean it when I say I'm sorry for your loss.
And there's reason for that.
Thru your words, your creativity, you've awakened real emotion, genuine feelings. Just look at the comments above. For two out of the three readers, you have taken words, put them together and made tears.
And for me, you've turned back the hands of time for a moment. You reminded me of when I shared the dinner table with a great man and a bottle of Tabasco. You posted one of the only two prayers I know. One, the one you posted, was one my grandfather taught me as a child. The other prayer, The Serenity Prayer, lies opposite his name and birthdate on the prayer card that i got from his wake. That card remains in my wallet and at all times stays with me, just as he does.
Though it's been almost nine years since he's passed, he still finds a way to make his presence felt. He's there everytime I look at my daughter. If it wasnt for the way he raised my mothers family, I wouldn't be looking at my daughter, I would be looking at my step-daughter.
He's there every evening after a long days work, just before a long day of school. He sits me down next to my sons and spends that short time before class racing hotwheels and playing peek-a-boo with us. Thats what he used to do with his kids, and their kids.
And today he showed up here at work, and inspired me to respond in detail to a very moving blog. One that reminds its readers of how deeply the character and actions of a genuinely good dude affect everyone around.
Thru your words, your grandfather smiles proud. He's left a lasting impression on you, and in turn, has touched your readers.
For me, aside from the more obvious similarities like sense of humor, their mild manner, and their Tabasco, I know our stories are not the same. I didnt grow up with your grandfather, so I can't say "I know how you feel" (I hated when people said that to me, especially when you knew they were just tryin to be nice) but I will say I know how it feels to lose a genuinely good dude.
This is why I really mean it when I say I'm sorry for your loss.
That being said, let's never forget our role in keeping them around. As much as I wish he and my kids could have met in person, I know that through me, he will be in their lives in as many ways possible.
Their legacy lives on through us. But the only way to make that happen, is to keep our heads up.
So keep your head up E*
My sicere condolences to the entire family.
Strength for you to carry on in these hard times will surely be in my prayers.
Whole heartedly,
-WhoTheCapFit
awwwwwwwwwwwww! thanks guys!!
:))))))))))))
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